Good Enough
by Raserei Hojo
Summary: Oneshot Baralai had once completed the Cloister of Trials and spoke with the Fayth. The conversation still haunts Baralai.


**Title:** Good Enough  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairings:** Gippal/Baralai  
**Prompt:** Sin (The evil-doing kind, not the monster-kind. But the monster-kind is, of course, mentioned! Another made up prompt. I don't think you're supposed to make them up on your own, but whatever. XD)  
**Summary:** Baralai had once completed the Cloister of Trials and spoke with the Fayth. The conversation still haunts Baralai.

--

A miniature sandstorm whirled about outside, threatening to topple over the small tent that Gippal and Baralai shared.

"Geeze, severe heat in the day, severe cold in the evenings, and now sandstorms in the afternoon." Gippal flopped onto his sleeping bag and stared up into the darkness of the tent's 'ceiling'. "What's next?"

"Aeons falling from the sky, holding machina guns," said Baralai in a firm voice as though he'd seen it happen before. More than once.

Gippal raised his eyebrows and glanced at Baralai. "A very probable possibility, I suppose." He propped himself up on one elbow and closed his eye, listening to the sandstorm rumble outside. "It sounds scary, but it's a familiar sound and reminds me of being in Home."

"Memories like that should be cherished." Baralai offered Gippal a distant smile. "When you're lucky enough to have a secure home, one should always cherish each and every moment spent there. Otherwise, when times are hard, you might lose your way."

"Yeah…" Gippal opened his eye and glanced at Baralai, who by now had removed his heavier robes and was sitting on his sleeping bag. "Well, would ya look at that? You really _are _thin."

Baralai's mouth thinned to a fragile line. "I lived a very sheltered life. I only was able to do paperwork and small chores around the temple because there was no need for physical fighting. Besides, I was more comfortable with magic."

"Ah, I see. Well, if you're undressing, I'm at least taking off this gaudy shoulder armor." Gippal sat up and struggled momentarily to remove the heavy metal armor. He also took off his gloves and flexed his fingers, glad to be free of the rough material.

"You also look thinner without the façade of those massive shoulder pieces."

"Hey! Those are for _protection_." Gippal scoffed. "They might save me from a fiend one day."

"My robes are for spiritual security. I feel as though I can connect easily to the Fayth when I wear them. That is my protection. I know it sounds awkward, but…"

"Oh… That's why you always want to wear them. I guess I'd feel better too, if I believed in that kind of stuff."

"How can you not believe in the Fayth and the Aeons? Have you never seen one?"

Gippal frowned. "I've heard the stories. Like Lord Braska defeating Sin with the Final Aeon or whatever. But you know, it'll always come back."

"You don't know that. Someday, someone could call forth an extremely powerful Aeon and kill Sin for good. No more rebirths. Just one eternal Calm."

"I'm an optimistic person, but not _that _optimistic." Gippal stretched and put his hands behind his head.

"It isn't optimism. It's what I believe in."

"C'mon, 'Lai. If that's what you believe in, then why are you here, trying to become a member of the Crimson Squad? Why aren't you out on your pilgrimage like Lord Braska's daughter, Yuna? Or like Donna, or Isaaru?"

Baralai frowned and pulled his knees to his chest. He withheld an answer.

"…'Lai? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Gippal quietly crept over to Baralai and sat beside him. "Did something bad happen on your pilgrimage?"

Baralai shook his head and laughed bitterly. "I never even began my pilgrimage."

Gippal blinked in surprise. "Really? Well… Can I ask why not?" For some reason, Gippal always had the idea that Baralai had made it all the way to the end of his pilgrimage and decided at the last moment it wasn't something he wanted to do.

Baralai was silent for a while as he tried to pull his thoughts together. "I've always tried to be a good person." His voice sounded pained, and Gippal could tell the memory bothered Baralai.

"And you always are a good person," Gippal reminded Baralai.

"I completed the Cloister of Trials in Bevelle after several years of studying and praying. I understood that when I reached the end of my pilgrimage that I would die. I knew that, and I was willing to accept it. Anything to save Spira, even if it was just for a few months that Sin wouldn't be reborn. Then I reached the Fayth…"

Baralai didn't seem to want to continue, but Gippal's curiosity got the better of him. "What did the, uh… The Fayth… do?"

Baralai was silent for the longest time, but Gippal knew better than to push him too far. When Baralai spoke, there was the faintest trace of wetness in his eyes. "The Fayth told me I wasn't good enough. It told me I was weak, not only in body, but in spirit as well. It said someone with my kind of heart would not be able to summon the Final Aeon." Baralai took a deep, steadying breath. "It told me that my life was not worthy enough to be sacrificed for the good of Spira."

"Oh… 'Lai, I'm sorry. I don't think that Fayth looked deep enough." Gippal gently cupped Baralai's face in his hands and stared hard into those doe-brown eyes. "I don't understand how you feel entirely, but I do know that being told by someone you love that you're 'not good enough' must really hurt."

"The Fayth was right, though. I've never been able to do the great things in life my parents wanted me to. I was never able to be the Summoner they wanted me to be, or the mage they wanted me to be. I doubt I'll end up making the Crimson Squad."

Gippal shook Baralai in a vain attempt to return him to his senses. "Baralai, you're good enough for me. You're _better _than good enough. You're absolutely amazing. Whenever you speak, you do it passionately, and even when you talk about Yevon and its beliefs, it almost makes me want to start preaching Yevon's scripture, too. And I think it's amazing that you would fearlessly lay down your life for millions of people, just so that we could enjoy a life without Sin for a while."

"Gippal…"

"It's true, Baralai! You're dedicated and strong and loyal! I know you're strong enough to summon an Aeon."

Baralai frowned and stared at his knees. His eyes became glassy again. "It's not fully a matter of strength. A huge part of it is also whether or not the Aeon wants to … become part of you. It hurts that it didn't want me. I've done nothing but dedicate my life to Yevon and the Fayth, even after it said I wasn't good enough. And yet…"

"I'm sure it meant something else other than 'weak-hearted' when the Fayth said it didn't like your kind of heart." Gippal tapped Baralai's chin and smiled sincerely at him. "I've never seen you do a single wicked thing, and I know you're not the kind of person to harbor hostile thoughts."

"Maybe…"

Gippal sighed heavily. "Look, 'Lai. Maybe Bevelle wasn't the best place to start your Pilgrimage. Maybe you should have started it at Besaid or Kilika. I'm sure Djose's Fayth would have willingly accepted you."

"It's too late for me to go back and change anything. If Bevelle's Fayth wouldn't accept me, there is no reason another Fayth should."

"Don't talk like that!" Gippal grabbed Baralai's face and firmly pressed his mouth to Baralai's. "Please. Don't. I hate it when you're so discouraged. It's just a stupid Fayth. I know it's what you believe in, but its word isn't law!"

Baralai closed his eyes, a pained expression crossing his dark features.

"Who are they to talk, anyway? If they're so high and mighty, why isn't Sin gone? Why can't a single one of them destroy Sin for good?"

"Sin is our punishment! Maybe not for using Machina, but for _something _humanity did. We have to atone. We have to—"

Gippal pressed his mouth against Baralai's once more, lightly encouraging Baralai to part his lips with his tongue. Baralai didn't want to. He opened his mouth to speak, to probably say that this was wrong, but Gippal took advantage of his open mouth and kissed him deeply.

Baralai relaxed against his will and gave into the kiss. It was nice, to be wanted. Even in this way. Even to an Al Bhed, who was supposed to stand for everything he was supposed to be against. But Baralai had touched Machina—had used it. Soiled his hands with it. His mouth and his tongue—sinful for mingling with an Al Bhed. But Gippal wanted him, and that desire to be wanted overpowered any other thoughts. He returned Gippal's kiss, just as deep and passionate, but filled with need.

Touch me, the kisses said. Want me. Need me.

Please.

"Gippal…" Baralai broke the kiss and turned his head to the side. "Gippal, I…" There was the doubt, overcoming Baralai's features. "I can't."

"Why not? Because I'm an Al Bhed."

"It isn't that! I know you're an Al Bhed. I don't see any reason why Yevonites can be friendly or loving toward the Al Bhed. But you don't understand…"

"What? What don't I understand?"

"I'm such a sinful person, Gippal. This will just corrupt you."

"Screw the Fayth. Let me be corrupted."

"I can't…"

Gippal scowled. "All the Fayth has done for you is make you see yourself in a terrible light. You think you're dirty and sinful and corrupted, just because the Fayth didn't think you were good enough for it. _Fuck _the Fayth."

Gippal wrapped his arms around Baralai's thin waist and pulled him closer. The tears escaped Baralai's doe-brown eyes, flooded down his chocolate-colored cheeks. "Gippal…" Childishly, Baralai clung to Gippal as though he'd fall into an abyss of darkness if he let go. Gippal wanted him. That was more than Baralai deserved.

"I understand if you still believe strongly in the Fayth. But please, don't let it take away your self-worth." Gippal wiped away Baralai's tears with his thumbs and kissed him gently this time. Baralai closed his eyes, muffled sobs escaping through his mouth as Gippal tried to calm him with his kisses.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize…" Gippal stopped his useless kisses and instead ran his fingers encouragingly through Baralai's hair.

Gippal took a deep breath, and decided on another method of comforting Baralai. "I do kinda get how you feel, though. My mom died in childbirth—rare as it is, she did—and for years, my father acted like I was the best gift in the world. He told me daily that he was glad I was alive, and that Mom would have wanted to give her life for me."

"I'm sorry for your loss…"

"Don't be. Stuff happens. People tell me how much I resemble my mother in both my appearance and actions. But anyway, one day, my dad completely snapped. I was sitting there, reading an Al Bhed comic book, and my dad just suddenly blew up and told me he hated me. He said he wished I was dead, and that he'd trade me in an instant if he could get his wife back."

Baralai stared wide-eyed at Gippal. "That's terrible."

"I was fourteen years old and I felt stupid for crying, even if I did it alone and in my room. The point is, I didn't let what my father say about me change my perception about myself. I still knew I was worth something. So even if you feel absolutely worthless, I want you to know that I love you. You have insurmountable worth to me."

Baralai was silent for several long moments. Finally, he said, "But I don't understand why."

Gippal shrugged lightly, but with a smile on his face. "You've touched my heart the first day I met you. You talked to me, an Al Bhed. You've made me look at Yevonites as in a whole new light. You even used Machina weapons when it goes against your religion. You've done so much for me that you don't even realize."

Baralai couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, but really…"

Gippal kissed him gently once more, and then settled for hugging him. No more words were needed, and Baralai rested his head on Gippal's shoulder and shut his eyes. For now, he could tolerate being sinful. Gippal would find a way to cleanse him of sin in the end.

--

**A/N:** _Hooray! Two ficlets in one night. Originally, some of this was supposed to be part of the other ficlet I wrote, "Passion," but I decided that at some points, the plots and the focus suddenly switched. I would like to thank Baralai, Gippal, and the Gippalai community for sparking my flame of writing once more. It's been months I've written something, other than for school. In a mere six hours, I have written approximately 5,500 words. That makes me so happy!_

**Note:**_ Just to clarify, the Fayth (in my story—this isn't necessarily fact or anything) knew that Baralai's "kind of heart" would not enable Baralai to have the courage to allow his Guardian(s) to kill themselves for Baralai. The Fayth knew Baralai would go on the pilgrimage, expecting only himself to die in the end—not someone he was close to as well. I imagine that if Baralai ever did manage to convince a Fayth before they faded away to grant him its powers, Gippal would probably be his only Guardian. And when Lady Yunalesca would tell Baralai that Gippal would need to become Sin, Baralai would refuse to do the Final Summoning._


End file.
